P/S : I LOVE YOU

Every day, I walk to school with Amber, my kindergarten-to-high-school sweetheart. She would greet me with that sweet yet naughty smile of hers. That smile. I’ve always loved them. Ah, heck. I loved her. But I never had the courage to say so. How could I ? We’ve been best friends for…what ? 10 years now ? Oh, never would I want to break that bond.

Amber has always been the friend that could fit the phrase, “a friend in need is a friend indeed”. She knew I was the quite-type of guy so she did all the talking. It never bore me, though. Her voice was like the wind during fall. It caressed my soul and left my body tingling with excitement. She was also gifted with a kindred soul, helpful, tender and gentle yet cheerfully naughty.

It’s like she was a strawberry filled marshmallow, soft and tender, gentle to your taste buds yet when you bite it, that sweet and sour strawberry filling intrudes your mouth excitedly. It gave me all the more reason to love her.

On her birthday, I decided that I would do what I never did before this, which was to tell Amber what she meant to me. And if her reaction was positive, I would take her to our special tree in the park to have a picnic. I would cook the food myself and sing her “Superman” by Joe Brooks, her favourite.

                So one day before that, which was -thankfully- Friday, I looked everywhere at school for Amber. After an hour or so, I saw her came out of the counsellor’s office, wiping her eyes. It looked like she poured her heart out in there. Like her tears, too. She was extravagantly sad. I noticed her patting her head and said to herself,

‘I’m going to be fine! I’m strong, I know it !’.            

But then her lips trembled, her shoulders slumped, her eyes closed and her feet descended themselves to the floor. She was crying again. My heart ached to see her so. She cried quietly so nobody would hear her or her sobbing hiccups. I’ve never seen her so sad. As a matter of fact, I’ve never seen her frown ! That true little fact made my heart longed for her presence, my ears eager to hear her sing-song laughter, my hands reaching out to hold her trembling body.

I walked to her slowly, trying not to jump her, when I heard her talking quietly to herself in between hiccups. She was soothing herself…

‘I..I.. I d-don’t want to, leave… I c-can’t leave.. It’s not m-my fault… but h-how am I g-going to t-tell him ? I c-can’t t-tell him.. he’ll b-be so worried… I’m s-sorry Taylor… my p-poor Taylor.. uhuk..!’

I crouched beside her, pulled her into a hug which made her body tense for a minute and so I said,   

‘Hey, hey… don’t worry. It’s just me. It’s me, Taylor…There, there don’t worry… I’m here. I’m not going to eat you.’

Eventually to what I just said, she giggled. Then the tension in her body died down, but her grip to my sweater tighten.

‘Hey…..hey, relax.. or not you won’t stop hiccupping’, I stroked her jet black hair, held her like I had no other day to do so, also making it up for those 10 years not doing so.

My dear Amber… what’s wrong ?

                                                                   <3 <3 <3 <3

After all the melodrama died down, I bought Amber and myself a tin of coffee from the vending machine and we sat on a bench nearby.

‘So what’s going on ? I saw you coming out of the counsellor’s office… Did you get into a catfight or something ?’, I tried to joke about it.

She smiled. Even so, I saw a glint of worry in her eyes.

‘It’s…nothing, really…,’ she hesitated, but then said,

‘Taylor… I know this is going to sound bad, but… I have to leave.’

‘Oh, okay, I can send you home,’ I said stupidly.

‘No, Taylor… It’s just that… Something came up at home and I have to leave for my aunt’s house in Ohio. It really can’t be helped. I’m really, sorry…,’ she said, almost in tears.

‘It’s okay. Don’t worry. I understand. But…can I ask you why ?,’ I asked, my voice quivering, actually not understanding.

Instead of answering, she faked a smile, got up and went home.

                                               

                                                                   <3 <3 <3 <3

I probably crawled home, slowly, quietly, sadly… It was already late evening, so near to twilight. The sky was like a painting, beautifully drawn.

‘Where did I go wrong ? I thought we were doing fine ? It couldn’t be because she figured out I liked her and didn’t want us to be like that so she moved ? Amber… unngghh !!!,’ I complained to myself, frustrated.

Out of nowhere, a small, familiar white cat appeared in front of me. It looked like it was hurt because it only used 3 of its legs to walk. I bent down, patted it and I saw a collar around its neck. It wrote, ‘no.2, 24^th Elm Street’. 

No.2…  Ah…. Amber.

Why me? Why now?

                                                                      <3 <3 <3 <3

DING DONG !!! The doorbell rang. Footsteps were fast heading towards the door. I almost had a heart attack, suddenly nervous. Of what, I didn’t know, yet. Someone opened the door and shouted,

‘WHAT ??? I told you I……Taylor..,’ said Amber, obviously shocked.

‘You told me… what ?,’ I joked.

‘I’m sorry. I thought you were someone else…,’ she said, barely above a whisper.

‘No, no, it’s my fault for coming here so late. But I found your cat and I think it’s hurt. Here, and it’s probably hungry too,’ I handed it over to her.

‘Oh no, Guinevere ! My poor Guinevere… I think you should come inside for a bit. You can join me for dinner. Mum and dad are out on a business dinner. So it’s just me. I only made chicken soup for dinner, is that okay ?,’

‘Sure. Thanks,’ and so we went inside.

                                                                               

                                                                        <3 <3 <3 <3 

The house was quiet. Amber was concentrating on Guinevere’s injury and I was sitting there, looking at the boxes mounting around us. I had a bad feeling about her moving and all because all the boxes only had her name on it. I think she was hiding something. Something I shouldn’t know. But I tried, anyway. So I said,

‘Amber, actually, I was kind of curious about the reason why you had to move. Why is it that only you that’s moving and not you’re whole family ?,’

She put Guinevere down, came to stand in front of me and said,

‘How about we eat first ? I’m pretty hungry and I’m sure you are too,’

                                                     

           

            <3 <3 <3 <3

We ate in silence. Awkwardness was in the air. And somewhere in between, there was guilt. She washed the dishes, I cleaned the table. She went to the living room and I followed. She turned around to look at me. It was there. The guilt that I felt, it was there in her tear-filled eyes.

‘Come here’, she said, putting her hand out for me to reach.

I was nervous. And it’s not because she held out her hand for me, but because I felt something was up. Something I was not going to like at all.

As I reached her, I noticed her hand and her lips were trembling. When I held her hand, she collapsed to the floor and started crying. And I, started to panic. So I stupidly asked her,

‘What’s wrong ? Are you sick ? Amber, can you hear me ?,’

To my surprise, she gave me a humongous hug. I knew she was going to start hiccupping if I didn’t comfort her so I held her like my sister did to me when I was young. I stroked her hair and whispered,

‘Shh, shh… Don’t worry, it’s okay…I’m here…,’

Her hug around me, tighten. I almost didn’t hear it because she said it so quietly into my sweater,

‘Taylor… I’m really sorry. This is the second time today I’m crying into your sweater. Thank you, really,’

‘It’s okay… Well, I am your forever friend. I’m always going to be here for you if you need me,’ I said casually.

It hurts to actually say it when what I really feel was the opposite.   

‘But I love you ! How can we stay being friends ?!,’ My conscience shouted.

‘So if I tell you to stay here with me, tonight, would you do it ?,’ she looked at me from under my chin.

Huh… do I have any choice ? My heart would probably hate me if I don’t do so. So I stayed.

                                                                         <3 <3 <3 <3

‘Okay mum, no, I won’t do anything stupid. Mum… she’s been my best friend since we were in diapers ! Yeah, mum… okay, I’m hanging up now… okay, g’night, bye,’ I turned off my phone.

I went back to the living room where Amber readied a simple d.i.y. bed on the sofa for me. Her face was still pale but I noticed it was returning to it’s normal colour again. She turned on the tv and sat on the sofa beside mine. She turned her head around and caught me staring at her.

‘Um, is my brother’s old clothes fit you ? I’m sorry they’re all I could give you. Oh, and I made a bed out of the sofa…,’ she said gesturing to the sofa.

‘Taylor ? What’s wrong ?,’

‘Oh, oh it’s nothing. It’s just that… you look like a perfect version of my future wife…,’ as soon as I said that, I wish I could take it back.

‘I, uh.. What I meant was… I, um, you…?,’ I started to stutter.

                It was a good thing she giggled. I probably have blushed. Yay… So I went to her, sat on the sofa and I asked her,

‘So when are you going to tell me about this whole moving thing ?,’

‘After we watch this movie. The title’s ‘P/s: I love you’,’ she said as she clicked on the remote.

                                                                            <3 <3 <3 <3        

The movie was so sad. I nearly cried. Well, as usual, Amber cried her heart out.

It was a story about a guy having cancer and tried to leave the country without telling anybody about it so nobody would be worried. Unfortunately his best friend knew about it from his parents. She stopped him from leaving and that’s when she confessed that she knew about it and wanted to help him. He asked why and she said she loved him. The guy eventually dies but the girl was satisfied that she managed to help and told him she loved him. So it counts as a win-win situation. But still, the climax was so tragic.

RRRRIIINNGGG !!! The landline phone rang. Amber picked it up quickly.

‘Hello ? Oh hi mum ! Yeah, I made chicken soup. What ? Oh no are you guys going to be okay ? No, no don’t worry Taylor’s here. I’ll tell you later. Mum…I’m seventeen. Okay. G’night. Love you,’ she put the phone down and sighed. Then she turned to me, looking scared. I knew what she was thinking so I said,

‘Don’t worry. I’m not going to do anything with you. Sheesh… I’m a nice guy, you know. What did your mum say ?,’

‘It’s not that. Um, well, their car broke down and now they’re staying in a hotel while the car is in repairing. So… I’m going upstairs. Night, Taylor,’ she said and rushed upstairs.

                I thought my heart was going to explode ! That cute, scared look on her face totally made me blush. I hope she didn’t think I was pervy. I headed to my newly made bed. At first, I just laid there, staring at the ceiling. But I started to feel sleepy and I felt I was drifting… when I heard a small noise coming from upstairs.

                I got up and listened to it for a few seconds. THUMP! THUMP! There it was again. I thought it came from Guinevere walking on the roof but it got louder. TH-THUMP, TH-THUMP! THUMP! It was something big…

I was worried if something happened to Amber. So I crept up the stairs and peeked from the landing. I couldn’t see clearly but I thought I saw… BANG!!!!! Something fell and crashing sounds came next. That’s when I heard Amber’s scream.

‘AMBER!!! Amber where are you ? Amber…? ,’ I called out, blindly rubbing my way up the stairs. Where is she? Then there was a CLICK sound from behind me.

‘Don’t move. Or she dies. Hands up where I can see ‘em! Now, turn around, throw me all of your belongings. NOW !!!,’ the voice shouted.

                Fumbling, I threw everything I had which was just a bunch of $20 and my transportation fares. It would at least total up to $100.95. The guy picked it up, and pushed Amber towards me. Which made both of us tumble down a flight of stairs. It was a good thing I managed to pull her so she was practically wrapped in…me, I guess.

I heard the THUMP-ing sounds again and waited for it to go quiet. The robber was gone. I slowly unwrapping Amber and inspected her if she was hurt. That’s when I realized she was crying. Badly, I’m telling you. And her face was bruised. I sat her up and hugged her tightly, hoping to comfort her.

‘I’m sorry, Amber. I should have told you to stay with me down here. Now you’re hurt because of that stupid burglar. I’m really sorry…,’ I said.

‘It was no b-burglar. It was my dad’s ex-employee. He wanted t-to take revenge of my dad for firing him… so h-he stalked me, threatening my dad to pay him $10000 or I’ll be…,’ she broke off, clearly scared, still shaking and hiccupping.

‘Shh shhh… I get it now… you don’t have to tell me. That’s why your parents wanted to send you away… it was all to protect you… oh Amber… and I was pushing you to tell me.. I’m sorry... but don’t worry, you’re alright now…,’ I hugged even tightly now, trying not to imagine what would’ve happen if I didn’t stay here.

                Then I heard her moan.

‘Amber ? What’s wrong ?,’ I parted from her, trying to find a spot where that psychopath guy might have hurt her. And I saw she was holding her stomach.

                No… no! Blood was everywhere now… even on me… Amber was breathing heavily now, clutching her stomach with one hand and the other to grab hold of my sweater.

‘T-taylor… I need you to g-get me to the hospital… b-but don’t tell mum or dad… or they’ll really s-send me away…,’ she muttered.

                Knowing that calling the ambulance would take time, I carried her in my arms and ran outside. I got to the main road in the nick of time as a cab stopped in front of us.

‘H-hospital!!! HURRY!!!,’ I shouted to the driver.

‘Stay with me Amber! D-don’t close your eyes, Amber, look at me…,’ I pleaded, already crying by now. Outside, I noticed the sky was also crying to the rhythm of my tears……            

Please… Amber, stay with me…

                                                                          <3 <3 <3 <3

                I only saw my tears that night. The doctor said she was in a coma because she lost a lot of blood, so I gave mine (It’s a good thing I was an O blood-type). It was also because she went into shock. I remembered when she was shaking in my arms. It was horrible.

                I just stared at her the entire night, waiting for her to wake up. Without realizing it, I was already talking to her softly, hoping she was listening.

‘I’m really sorry, Amber. I had to call someone, so I called your brother and he’s on his way. I guess before he comes, I’m all you have… huh… it would be great though if you’d answer me like, ‘you’re all I need’… haha. I must be crazy!,’ I said, scratching my head.

                Without thinking, I blurted,

‘You probably don’t know how much I love you, don’t you?’,

                Then I saw it. A single drop of tear travelling down her cheeks, kissing her hair.

‘Amber? What’s wrong? You can hear me? Oh Amber… don’t cry… I’ll be here when you wake up, okay? Just… stay. Don’t you dare leave me…,’ I whispered to her.

                                               

                                                                           <3 <3 <3 <3

‘Taylor…’

                Something in between my fingers twitched. I opened my eyes.

‘Amber! You’re awake! Oh God, Thank you! Zach, wake up! Amber just woke up!,’ I shook Amber’s brother who arrived a few hours ago with my feet as Amber was holding my hand.

                Amber was holding my hand. My hand!!! Amber…what ?

‘Taylor, water…,’ she said. I grabbed the bottle I just got from 7-eleven. Her hand was shaking so I helped her. She drank almost half of the bottle.

‘Huh… sorry, I was just…so thirsty,’ she said, her voice was as delicate as a feather.

‘How are you feeling? Is your stomach doing well? The doctor said they’ve gotten the bullet out…,’ I babbled as she stared at me.

‘What…? Do I look THAT messy?,’ I asked her, suddenly nervous of her intense staring. I sat again on the chair that I’ve been sitting on all night and she held my hand more firm.

‘I’m guessing you stayed here all night, judging from that last night’s attire and your sweater. First it was tears, then it’s blood. Wow, I owe you big time,’ she said.

‘Um, yeah. You also have my blood now, in your veins as you needed it last night...,’ I tried to act all cool, which was impossible with her holding my hand.

‘Looks like I owe you more and more now,’ she smiled.

‘I’ll… just call the doctor…,’ I started to stand up, but with a strength I didn’t know she had, Amber pulled my hand so I turned to her. And this time, it was much closer.

                And that strength was all it took. It was all it took for her to have my lips. And also, my breath. Man, she was a good kisser. When she let go of me, she said,

‘I heard what you said last night…I was just returning the favour… and the confession.’

                I think I blushed. Urgh, I am pathetic.

                                                                            <3 <3 <3 <3

‘Thank you, son, for saving my Amber’s life. We owe you a life debt. I just hope there’s a way for us to show you a little thanks,’ said Mr Adam.

‘Oh, no no, you don’t owe me anything. But… if you could… can you let Amber stay? You know, I mean, instead of sending her off…,’ I said, hoping.

                He took a minute, inspecting me from top to bottom. Then he said,

‘I’m fine with that, if you can make sure before that maniac ex-employee of mine is captured, you’ll keep an eye on my daughter. She still hasn’t fully-recovered yet, you know,’

                I was probably bursting with joy when he left Amber’s room with a smile, giving his approval. Yes!!! I wanted to shout out. When he closed the door, I said,

‘Not just an eye, but four of it… Hey, are you sure you’re okay sleeping here in this room? Well, with everything that’s happened…,’ I asked Amber as I sat beside her on the bed.

                She took my glasses off and said,

‘Why? Do you want me to come to your house instead? Well that can be arranged. But first, let me ask you, why are you’re eyelashes so long?,’

‘Because I’m pretty? Hahahaha… now my turn, why are you taking off my glasses? I can still see you a bit,’ I said, reaching my hand to her hair that went to her eyes.

‘Because… I don’t want you to see me blush… when I do this,’

                She pulled me to her and gave me a little hug before she totally possessed my lips. Quietly, I got my glasses from her bedside table and put it on again.

‘Aha! I saw you blushed!,’ I said, pulling myself together after that overrated kiss.

‘No fair… do you want me to leave you with a sticky-notes saying ‘P/s, I love you’ ?,’ she asked me with that teasing tone of hers.

‘No! No I don’t, my snotty one…,’ I teased her back with a mock bow even though I was acting like I didn’t care, but she totally had me. I’d die if she does that.

                                                                               

           <3 THE END <3